Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Random musings

It has been so incredibly eventful that I just haven't had time to pause and write. Just going to pen down random musings on various topics:

On Expedition Agape & Beautiful People:
I'm lost trying to discern God's calling for me in leading Expedition Agape. Maybe He is telling me that this isn't the season for EA yet, and that I need to grow in leading Beautiful People first before I can come back renewed and reinvigorated to bring EA forward yet another lap. I don't know.

Trying to pursue EA has led to some major disappointments with doors being closed. Yet I press on, because this is my heart's desire, and I want to serve the youths -- both boys and girls, in a mentoring journey that opens and widens their horizons both locally and overseas.

Beautiful People is amazing, but I haven't experienced the incredible highs (of course it's also minus the incredible lows) that I have experienced in leading EA. I'm somehow drawn to the mega-challenges, or maybe it's just my irreconcilable stubbornness.

In any case, my focus for now is leading a team of 21 women in Beautiful People to be Big Sisters to the young lives who do not have parental figures in their lives, who crave and desperately seek role models to walk with them in their journey. May God be with me and guide me through this few months of leadership, that I may be able to be the leader that they need me to be.

On Mentoring and Being Mentored: 
 I really love my church. Last Saturday was the start of the one-year mentoring journey in Covenant Young Adults' Network. We were introduced to our mentors (more mentors!) and mentoring group, people who will walk with us and guide us in our spiritual walk. Talking about this with my husband, we reflected on how we are being mentored so that we can be mentors to others... God has blessed us so that we can be a blessing to others.

Coming into this church truly, has given us so many incredible, big-hearted mentors in our lives whom we love and care about... mentors who pamper us with their advice, wisdom, guidance and giving. It has filled my heart, so that I have more in my "heart tank" to give to others, to serve more. More importantly, I now have such a strong conviction for mentoring... it is critical, crucial, indispensable, and what a lot of the young, at-risk youths that we volunteer with lack.

They need people to walk with them through their challenges. If, even I, as a 29 year old, need mentors in my life to point me in the right path when I'm confounded, down and lost... what more a 15 year old still searching for identity and life direction? They need people who are not just with them for a few days, but ready to commit to them, so they know with full security and assurance that they have people to turn to when they need support.... They need better parents, and failing that, adults in their lives who can be their Big Sisters and Big Brothers.

This is my life's calling. I wish I knew with greater clarity, how to manifest and develop that.

Wish Granting: 
Thank you God for bringing little P into my life, that I may see such incredible joy in such a young life. As we grant her wish this week, I really pray that everything goes well and that we can create 3 amazing, beyond-words magical, memorable days for her and her family.

Monday, July 16, 2012

One desire

One thing have I asked of the Lord,
   that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
   all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
   and to inquire in his temple - Psalm 27:4
Truly, that is my one desire. Missed church for the first time yesterday (while not away on holiday), because of the utter exhaustion from the room makeover wish, and I just feel so out of sorts. It's only Monday, and already, I can't wait for this weekend to be home with God and rejuvenated in God's sanctuary.

It was amazing beyond words meeting baby P today. Such a brave little girl, filled with so much joy, bursting with childlikeness and life. It pains my heart to know the sickness that she battles, and that in a few short months, such a beautiful, beautiful young life may be taken away. I have only met her for barely an hour, but I remember her smile, her words, her innocent exclamations. She is so cheerful and bubbly, her laughter tinkling like silver bells.

Her family too, is incredible.... undefeated, close and tightknit, with simple contentment. I really look forward to creating a magical experience for them, a story that can be shared with the rest of the world to inspire and light a candle in a place of darkness.



Monday, July 09, 2012

Burdened

Is this how it is, that as we live year by year, burdens upon us increase too? Regrets, what-ifs, paths not taken.

I really want to let go of the burdens I carry, wish and wish and wish that God will direct my steps and show me which road I should walk. Standing here at a crossroads, I am really at a loss and dilemma, unsure, uncertain, weighing and re-weighing pros and cons, incessantly thinking.

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