A new chapter

So I finally did it.

I feel a sense of bittersweet relief, on one hand excited about new beginnings, new possibilities, on the other, terrified that this might not be what I thought it would be. I am at once strangely beseiged by doubts and experiencing flutterings of joy and anticipation. It is a weird, in-between place to be in, being racked by opposite emotions at the same time, and being tugged in different directions from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows.

To make it worse, I was almost having anxieties yesterday, thinking about the what-if they suddenly retract the offer, and I am stuck without a job.

I am learning to put it all aside though, this morning waking up to spending an hour with God, worshipping and praising him through songs, music and prayer. It refreshes my soul and calms my spirit. I feel better, even if the doubts are still present, they are more subdued. It is a process of surrendering, and truly, I was thinking today that life really only makes sense in reverse.

In this place where I am in now -- that I am about to exit -- I am beginning to see that it is a place of transitions... a place where I have journeyed to know God, where I have journeyed through disappointments and major hits, to placing my trust and confidence in God. It is also a place where I have come into my own and discovered my calling, where I have met fellow Sisters in Christ, and deepened my faith. I was questioning before -- why was I even here? Till it struck me today that I am here, because God has placed me here to learn and grow, to toughen up and prepare me for my next workplace.

Surrender. Whatever happens, happens. Whatever will be, will be. It is a new chapter, and I am going to walk the next month with confidence and grace, with God at my centre. I have been blessed abundantly. Thank you God.