I thank you Lord for a husband who believes when my confidence is flailing, for a husband who is also a cheerleader and steadfast pillar for me in times when my belief wanes.
I don't know why, but I was truly paralyzed by fear yesterday, that my ability to lead floundered. I could not find the enthusiasm to express my dream, could not find the courage to move past the rock of fear that blocked my thoughts, and could not look into their eyes, because I felt afraid. EA has always been a vision that I lived and breathed, and I admit that there has been a series of challenges that have come one after another as I choose to run it independently for the first time, outside of CV.
Something inside me knows that it's the right direction and right path, because while CV has been incredible for impactful programmes and big-hearted volunteers, but it just doesn't have the mentoring focus, and the structures in existence to build the lives of the youths through lasting relationships. EA and CV lack the resonance and alignment in purpose and values. What we believe in diverges.
But truth be told, it has been so tough, roadblock after roadblock, that there are just times when I wonder if it's the right choice after all. Yesterday was probably a culmination of all the negatives, when I only remembered the negatives, and failed to remind myself of the positives. I am not sure now how to recover my strength and my confidence, but I am grateful that at this time, I can lean on my husband's strength, clarity and steadfastness, and above all, I can submit it all to the Lord.
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