Yes I Can

As if it wasn't scary enough, now I have to wait for the results of my medical exam. I can imagine how it feels for countless others who go through the same process... detection of possible abnormalities, sent for further testing, then waiting. The period of waiting is often the most difficult, because of the uncertainties that loom ahead. Gripped by fear, gripped by the unknown, afraid that the worst possibilities may be true.

I am thankful to God though. Thankful for the opportunity to go through the test, and thankful for the lesson to put my absolute trust in Him and Him alone. It is not an easy lesson to learn, but again, God reminds me that He is sovereign... what cause for anxieties do I have? Good or bad, positive or negative, no matter what are the circumstances, He will carry me through it all. He is not just the God of good times, but more importantly, the God who sees us through and redeems the low points in our lives.

It has been a humbling lesson that I am grateful to learn, as I have been drawn by necessity to surrender, nudging myself to let go of the fears, and just be. It will be okay. Whatever happens, it will be okay. And it truly is amazing that our faith is strengthened and deepened through crises. If there was none of that in our lives, if we were just coasting through... things might have been different.

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope - Romans 5:3-4

A new chapter

So I finally did it.

I feel a sense of bittersweet relief, on one hand excited about new beginnings, new possibilities, on the other, terrified that this might not be what I thought it would be. I am at once strangely beseiged by doubts and experiencing flutterings of joy and anticipation. It is a weird, in-between place to be in, being racked by opposite emotions at the same time, and being tugged in different directions from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows.

To make it worse, I was almost having anxieties yesterday, thinking about the what-if they suddenly retract the offer, and I am stuck without a job.

I am learning to put it all aside though, this morning waking up to spending an hour with God, worshipping and praising him through songs, music and prayer. It refreshes my soul and calms my spirit. I feel better, even if the doubts are still present, they are more subdued. It is a process of surrendering, and truly, I was thinking today that life really only makes sense in reverse.

In this place where I am in now -- that I am about to exit -- I am beginning to see that it is a place of transitions... a place where I have journeyed to know God, where I have journeyed through disappointments and major hits, to placing my trust and confidence in God. It is also a place where I have come into my own and discovered my calling, where I have met fellow Sisters in Christ, and deepened my faith. I was questioning before -- why was I even here? Till it struck me today that I am here, because God has placed me here to learn and grow, to toughen up and prepare me for my next workplace.

Surrender. Whatever happens, happens. Whatever will be, will be. It is a new chapter, and I am going to walk the next month with confidence and grace, with God at my centre. I have been blessed abundantly. Thank you God.

A little girl named Putri

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.- Romans 8:28

Over the last few days, Putri has truly stolen my heart. In granting her wish, I have been blessed far more than I have blessed, received and gained far more than I have given, and I am so deeply grateful for the experience. She is an angel, so alive and full of joy, only 3 years old but mature beyond her years, with a thirst for life that is so fiery strong, always bursting with cheerfulness and happiness. Anyone who meets Putri would be absolutely charmed. It is almost impossible to meet her and not be changed by the encounter, especially knowing all that she has been through. The pain she has had to suffer was and is immense, racking her frail body and relentless in its assault. Looking at her though, you would never guess the disease that eats away at her inside.

She is a fighter, an adventurer, an explorer, determined to live and embrace life to the fullest, and gung-ho in spirit and soul. She charges unafraid, as if reluctant to lose any precious moments of her life in regret, but she also has many simple moments of joy when she is still and content -- just singing, just dancing, just drawing, just spending time with her loved ones. I love Putri, and I'm so touched by her. The sparkle in her eyes, the coyness in her smile are lovely to behold.

Along the journey, I have asked myself: "Why, God?" "Why inflict such pain on a young soul?" "Why do you want to take her away so soon?" The thought of losing her sends me into tears. I remember feeling such a deep, aching sense of loss when Mediacorp asked Putri's brother, "What will you miss most about Putri?" And my heart screamed Noooooo! Such a wonderful, remarkable young life shouldn't be taken away so soon. It will be such a loss! A big void.

As the questions churned in my mind, I realise that I may not have all the answers - his ways are not my ways, but increasingly Romans 8:28 rings true. God redeems every situation in our life and uses it for good. In granting the wish, I have seen so many angels of kindness coming together to bless Putri and create a magical and unforgettable experience for Putri and her family. The little girl sparks compassion and joy in the people she meets.Volunteers, sponsors, everyone uniting to fulfill Putri's wish and bringing her happiness and strength. It has been a beautiful sight to see, reminding me exactly Master Cheng Yen's words... Every charitable project is really, an opportunity to invite people to care, to share, to bless others. It is so much more meaningful when we are able to create opportunities for people to give.... people who never ever thought about giving in their lives. It shapes a better world.

A spark of love is really all it takes to spark a movement of love. That's the philosophy of paying it forward, as we ignite compassion in others, and inspire more to step forward to make a difference. This amazing people-power is a gift I have experienced. Putri is really an incredible girl, and her wish one that is one immense project of love from so many coming together to bring her joy.

I am wowed and humbled. There are days when I look at the world, and waves of hopelessness well up within because I am only one -- what difference can I make? How much can I do in my limited life, with my limited power? Putri reminds me to see hope -- it doesn't take a big, noble cause to rally hearts together, people are good and every single child, if only we share their story, can melt walls and barriers and inspire compassion and giving. It is the power of multiplication, and the magnitude that can be created with a small group of committed ones is beyond imagination.

I love you Putri.