The first day of the new year… always a great reason to feel reflective, musing about the year gone by, and definitely a wonderful reason to get started on writing again, with a old-new blog. Old, because this blog was set up several years ago, and I just never got around to posting anything... new, evidently because this is the first post. Writing trains the mind, clarifies thoughts, was what Pst Kay Kiong shared earlier today as well, reminding me that really, it's a habit I ought to resume.
My mind has been in overdrive the last two days, incessantly reviewing the 2011 that has passed. One year -- that's significant, that's huge. And reading one of my blog posts that I wrote in January 2011, I am reminded of the utter aimlessness I felt then, at the start of the year, because that is the exact same feeling that plagues me now. It is as if I need to justify to myself that I have lived well, that my time has been well-spent (not just squandered over endless TV series that I keep getting glued to...) and thinking over the past one year helps me do that.
By all accounts, 2011 has been a tremendous year for me... a tremendously fulfilling and incredible year that has been more than I ever could have imagined or asked for. The me that I was in January 2011 would not have been able to guess, even in my wildest dreams, for instance, that I would have become a Christian by the time the year was out. Skeptical me... who had never, ever trusted the church, which was such an artificial institution of Man and totally imperfect representation of God. I guess the Lord works in strange ways, and the lesson for me, really, is that of surrender... that a sense of aimlessness, of loss, of confusion, is normal and acceptable. That it is not something I should resist against or chide myself for, but rather, channel it towards anticipation... hopeful expectancy of the surprising blessings that could come about in my year, sometimes derailing, or, reprioritising over, even the best-laid plans.
So, celebrating my 2011, in brief:
- Accepting God as my Lord and Saviour has changed my life. I have been deeply, deeply touched by His love, for He is love, and He has started to heal all the broken parts of my soul. God is also a god that stands up to investigation, scrutiny and challenge... and my intellectual exploration of Christianity as I pored over books after books has been a stimulus that I have craved, and also, provided me all the answers to all the questions in my heart and mind... even to some questions I never thought to ask. I wish I had started on this earlier, and not been egotistically blind to the truth. Ask, and we will receive... Knock, and He will answer... how true! Jesus is my captain, and I live by his overflowing example of love, grace and mercy.
- Covenant Evangelical Free Church... there couldn't have been a more perfect, or more right church for Calvin and I. Settling in a church is almost like finding your soulmate -- it operates on the same principles at least, that there is no perfect partner, only the partner that is perfect for you. That is exactly how I feel about Covenant... it is a community of authentic, committed Christians, irrefutably bible-centred and God-focused, and with values that resonate with us. There will never be a perfect church... the only time that there will be, is in the future when Jesus returns again as King. Until then, there are only imperfect churches with imperfect men striving to do the best they can in this fallen world. And being in Covenant has just about been the single most transformative highlight of 2011... my deepened knowledge of the Bible, God's will and God, the CG that Calvin and I have been so blessed to have settled in, the newfound friends, love, care and nurturing we have received in abundance, the many opportunities and experiences for growth, learning and serving, especially now being in the Children's Ministry.... God has worked wonders not just externally, but within me as well, giving me a new heart of peace, passion and purpose.
- Service Wrapped up EA 2010, and the pang of loss was immediate, unsure of where to go from there. Also achingly and painfully made the decision to leave CV, because there was just too much misalignment... I love the programme, love the energy and the heart of the volunteers to make a difference, but the lack of leadership, structure, focus and a values-centred approach to sustain the impact and results, frustrates me. It didn't occur to me then that my plate will be full with BP, CCF or with the additional wish granting opportunities in MAW... most of all, with all the opportunities to serve and lead the volunteer programme at my workplace, to deposit love and care into the hearts of the children at Beyond. There has been barely any let-up at all in pace and intensity... there is just too much to do, so many community needs to meet and address, that it deeply matters to me the small little role that I play to make a difference.
- Personal Development I've learnt so much over the past year that it is impossible to fully sum up into words. I've learnt that it is sometimes important to let go in order to move forward, that ideas alone are not enough...idealism needs to be tempered with reality and a sound ability to implement and execute, and perhaps most, most, most resoundingly, I have learnt about relationships. God has been imparting to me again and again over the past year in 2011 the delicacies of communication and the art of building relationships... sometimes knocking the lesson into my head with devastatingly painful falls. To varying degrees, I have had to step out of my comfort zone, sweat buckets, and take risks. While I am not sure I will be eager to repeat or go through any of the experiences, especially the more nasty ones again, I have learnt from picking myself up and I cherish the learnings.
- Travel China, Bali, Taiwan and Australia. The wonderful memories are forever etched in my mind. I have been blessed to have been able to travel to new places, amazing places in 2011, and Australia in particular, with the CYF8, is a life-changing highlight that I will always remember. Looking back at the start of the year, I never thought that I would be involved in CYF again, but being in CYF has been precious... not just for the many international friendships forged, but also, it has called upon me to be more confident, more self-assured than I have ever been, and to take on leadership and facilitator roles. I have also fallen in love with Taiwan. If there is a place that I want to retire to, other than Singapore -- a place with the perfect blend of beauty in place and beauty in people, it is Taiwan. Can't wait to go back again.
- Personal Development I've learnt so much over the past year that it is impossible to fully sum up into words. I've learnt that it is sometimes important to let go in order to move forward, that ideas alone are not enough...idealism needs to be tempered with reality and a sound ability to implement and execute, and perhaps most, most, most resoundingly, I have learnt about relationships. God has been imparting to me again and again over the past year in 2011 the delicacies of communication and the art of building relationships... sometimes knocking the lesson into my head with devastatingly painful falls. To varying degrees, I have had to step out of my comfort zone, sweat buckets, and take risks. While I am not sure I will be eager to repeat or go through any of the experiences, especially the more nasty ones again, I have learnt from picking myself up and I cherish the learnings.
- Travel China, Bali, Taiwan and Australia. The wonderful memories are forever etched in my mind. I have been blessed to have been able to travel to new places, amazing places in 2011, and Australia in particular, with the CYF8, is a life-changing highlight that I will always remember. Looking back at the start of the year, I never thought that I would be involved in CYF again, but being in CYF has been precious... not just for the many international friendships forged, but also, it has called upon me to be more confident, more self-assured than I have ever been, and to take on leadership and facilitator roles. I have also fallen in love with Taiwan. If there is a place that I want to retire to, other than Singapore -- a place with the perfect blend of beauty in place and beauty in people, it is Taiwan. Can't wait to go back again.
- Friends Made countless new friends in 2011, from Church, from CYF8, from BP, from Taiwan, etc. etc... I celebrate all the new friendships made. It has been incredible, and more so also because 2011 has been a year that I reconnected with some old friends that I have lost touch with.
- Family And last but not least, the most important of all, my family, my anchor and cornerstone, amidst everything, family has been a key priority. Investing in my marriage, strengthening and spending time with each and every single one of my family members, and cherishing all the precious, precious time that we spend together. The significant surprise of the year -- maybe even the decade, is that I reconnected with my mother again, after a span of 9 months. 9 months of hatred, of silence, of resentment from her and she has finally reached out to me. I am not sure fully that it is a blessing... it is the sort of thing that I am thankful for, because at least now, she is in my life, and I am in hers, but the relationship is too volatile for me to expect smooth winds ahead.
Looking forward to 2012...
Steady Readers, New Life, The Writer's Place, SBC, church camp, BP @ Gracehaven, EA 2012, the numerous overseas trips already planned and scheduled. I have the fullest anticipation for what lies ahead... exciting adventures and challenges, more beautiful memories to seize and create, fulfillment and restoration in my relationships.
And yet... a part of me still feels lost... I know the endgame of my life, but what is the endpoint of this year?
Father Lord, with thanksgiving and praise, my heart swells with the deepest gratitude for your protection and blessing in 2011. As Calvin and I start the new year, I pray that the coming year will continue to bring more delightful surprises, blessings and fulfillment for both of us, guided by your direction and will. In the mighty name of Jesus, I pray and commit ourselves to you. Amen.
Steady Readers, New Life, The Writer's Place, SBC, church camp, BP @ Gracehaven, EA 2012, the numerous overseas trips already planned and scheduled. I have the fullest anticipation for what lies ahead... exciting adventures and challenges, more beautiful memories to seize and create, fulfillment and restoration in my relationships.
And yet... a part of me still feels lost... I know the endgame of my life, but what is the endpoint of this year?
Father Lord, with thanksgiving and praise, my heart swells with the deepest gratitude for your protection and blessing in 2011. As Calvin and I start the new year, I pray that the coming year will continue to bring more delightful surprises, blessings and fulfillment for both of us, guided by your direction and will. In the mighty name of Jesus, I pray and commit ourselves to you. Amen.
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