Disoriented

It was surreal going back to work today.

There was first the trip to Shanghai, a freezing four days spent huddling in winter jackets, going through the stress of business meetings, and formalities. Sometimes, I believe I overthink, and have the tendency to get lost in my thoughts, where they then become muddled and my words jumbled, lost in the miasma of a myriad disparate thoughts firing off in different directions. I get unsettled without something or someone familiar to cling onto, and it reminds me of the masks that we need to wear to fit in. I didn't like Shanghai all that much -- told cold, too grey, too rainy, too full of unpleasant memories of my earlier visit.

Immediately after that, was the trip to Jakarta. Five days, attempting to lead ten different people, most of whom I didn't know that well. I was amazed at how much I enjoyed Jakarta. It was unexpectedly good, the bonding, getting to know my colleagues on a deeper level, uncovering fun, wacky, crazy sides of each and everyone, and sharing our lives. We completed what we set out to do, and more, and I don't think there was any one of us that left untouched by the magical smiles of the children. It was disconcerting for me to witness the stark poverty in Prumpung though, and the conditions they lived in tug at my heartstrings. I was shocked. I remember clogged drains, rubbish piled up on both sides of the muddy streets, houses - that were all falling apart, packed closely together, the foul odour, flies buzzing around incessantly and haphazard chaos.

Every single day was immensely draining. I enjoy being with people, building relationships, fostering understanding and connections, yet, at the same time, it takes a lot out of me, an inadvertent affirmation for myself that I really am introverted. Being back on home ground then, comes as a relief, though I do miss my team mates, the people whom I have served, learnt, grown and laughed with.

I prayed a lot throughout both trips, leaning on God as my rock and anchor, and reminding myself the true master whom I serve above all. Thank goodness for God, because without Him, I would have found it even more difficult to navigate my way through the disorientation. There's a wedding to attend this weekend, and yet another overseas trip, but I honestly can't wait to get back to church next weekend.